Homeowner Association Hell

Let’s Do Something About This…

I've lived in Miramar, Florida long before the city made headlines as one of the fastest growing communities in the United States.

The very spot from where I write this article was not so long ago home to a cow chewing her cud.  Anything west of I-75 was the Everglades.  And airplanes in distress could easily land on the Sawgrass Expressway because the road didn’t go anywhere where people lived so drivers had no use for it.

Since then, a lot has changed in southwest Broward County. But one thing has remained constant.  By all accounts (based on totally unscientific polls I’ve conducted) it’s the #1 source of stress for those of us who value our homes and all the good things this community offers us.

I’m talking about our neighborhood Homeowner’s Associations… the gatekeepers of our communities… the people held responsible for maintaining the beauty of our architectural landscape while simultaneously making life miserable for many of us.

They’re the people who send us friendly reminders to clean the bird poop off our mailboxes while conveniently overlooking the orange house with purple shutters in the middle of the block.

The associations claim it’s their job to uphold the standards set forth in the bylaws of our communities.

In order to accomplish this, the association commandos (as they’re affectionately known) patrol our neighborhoods like vultures ready to pounce on their unsuspecting prey. You can spot them a mile away. Their cars creep to a stop in front of each house as they furiously scribble life and death notes in their legal pads.

Notes such as: “Illegal Snoopy banner hanging from a flagpole made of a wood not in compliance with the association’s bylaws.”

Pass the lethal injection, please!

All kidding aside -- why do we complain to one another about our associations yet put our tails between our legs and do nothing about the frustrations they bring us?
Many of us have been forced to hire attorneys to fight for us. But even attorneys throw their hands up at the absurdity of it all.

“Just plant another tree and pay the $1500 fine.” That’s the advice one Pembroke Pines resident got from his attorney after being sued by his association for neglecting to ask for approval before cutting down a tree whose roots were cracking the sidewalk in front of his house.

I wonder what would happen if the board members of these associations and their attorneys stopped to consider that they too could become victims of their self-imposed power.

How would they feel if, like me, they received a call at 10:30 at night from their elderly parents telling them that a process server just came by to hand them a lawsuit for not pressure cleaning their roof in ‘30 days or less’?

Associations threaten.  And they know they can win because the people they sue don’t have the time or the deep pockets to fight back. 

As one neighbor told me, “I just couldn’t afford to take any more time off from work to go to their mediations and hearings. And so, I cut my losses and gave in.”

Like playground bullies, associations over-enforce their bylaws until the people they claim to be protecting are left with no choice but to cry uncle.

Even if you’ve never been a direct victim of an association’s lawsuit, you’re still affected. Consider this: The money the association uses to pay the lawyers they hire to sue your neighbors comes from the dues you pay each month.

And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you pay association dues and your association sues you, you’re paying to sue yourself!

I’m not suggesting we get rid of associations altogether. And if you serve on the board of an association, save yourself the effort of writing me hate mail. I’m not against you. My aunt and uncle serve on the board of their homeowner’s association so I’m very much aware of how frustrating things can be on the other side of the table.

Stripped down to their core essence, associations are there to make sure we respect the rights of our neighbors and they respect ours. But at the end of the day, what harm is there in a Snoopy banner hanging in front of a house? Will pressure cleaning our roof in five weeks instead of four lead to the demise of our cities?

Intimidation is an association’s weapon. But even playground bullies can be sent home crying when the ‘little guys’ get together to fight back. In this case we, the little guys, are in the majority.

Associations work for us -- not the other way around. Bylaws and rules that no longer work for the community as a whole must be challenged and changed.

Are you ready and willing to do something about it?

I welcome your comments and ideas.

Dare I Call This A Resolution?

I started this blog as a way to keep me honest in my writing. Honest not just in what I wrote, but in my commitment to honor the gift that God has given me... a gift of being able to communicate through words.

But as I looked back at the postings of the past year, I realized I had not honored that commitment. I was shocked to see that my last posting had been several months ago.

To be honest (there's that word again), I would not have even looked at this blog had it not been for the 'accidental' request my supervisor at work made which required logging into this blog tool to find the answer. A week earlier, as I considered what I wanted to accomplish in the new year, I had once again renewed my commitment to write more. It's no accident that the universe responded with my supervisor's seemingly out of the blue request.

And so, I find myself at this same crossroad a year after I began my blogging journey. And I vow to contribute to this written canvas at least once a week from now on.

What about you? What will you commit to doing from now on?

See you soon.

I was taught that the pope was Christ’s representative on earth. A descendent of Peter, the rock… the apostle of which Christ said, "Upon this rock I will build my church."

Last week, a new pope, a new rock if you will, was elected to lead the world's 1.1 billion Catholics.

In 2000, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the man who Catholic cardinals elected as their lord’s new representative, authored a Vatican directive to priests around the world calling for a proactive stand to stop governments from legalizing same-sex marriage and for a repeal of those those already on the books that give rights, including adoption, to gay couples.

The 12-page document called on Catholic bishops and lawmakers to oppose the legalization of same-sex unions.

In 1986 as Cardinal, Ratzinger delivered a Letter to the Bishops
of the Catholic Church on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons.

In it he said: "Neither the Church nor society at large should be surprised when other distorted notions and practices gain ground, and irrational and violent reactions increase."

Forgive me if I find it hard to picture Christ, the man who the pope is supposed to be representing, uttering those words.

In fact, if Christ hadn’t risen from the dead, as Catholics believe he did, he’d be turning over in his grave right about now.

Ratzinger opposes contraception and the use of condoms to combat HIV/AIDS.  He advocates a diminished role for women in the Church and has called for mandatory celibacy for priests.

It seems the church’s new rock has cast quite a number of stones in his past.

I understood Christ’s message at a very young age. I incorporated that message into my life and totally got it. Unlike many of my Catholic school friends, I didn’t want to be a nun. If anything, the priesthood would have suited me better… except for the no sex thing which I found a bit well unnatural.

That’s why I find it so utterly anti-Christ to be force fed orthodox rhetoric.

For the past three weeks we’ve been force fed a one-sided coverage of a pope’s death and election of a new one. It has been the most biased coverage of any news story I have ever seen in my nearly 25 years as a journalist.. And yet, no one seems to be complaining. Or else, those who are complaining are being ignored.

And now they want to fast forward John Paul II to sainthood. It’s as if there is some intrinsic evil in criticizing the ex-pope. Excuse me, but didn’t the priest sex scandal happen under his watch? And wasn't he the one who swept it under the rug?

A reporter on a television program the other night had the courage to ask a question meant to open up an objective dialogue regarding the Catholic Church and the prodigal sons and daughters of Catholicism who are trying to get back home to the church they call home.

He asked a panel of theologians and church representatives, “What do you say to those Catholics who believe in the church but want it to move into the 20th century?"

The response was a passionate: “They should get another religion.”

Can you imagine Christ saying that!

While I don’t advocate immorality or changing the basic core of what Christ taught, I do believe that if the bible was truly inspired by God then it can’t be confined to a moment in time, but must be continually re-interpreted and encouraged to grow as mankind evolves spiritually.

The frenzy in St. Peter’s Square when Ratzinger was named pope was electrifying. After a week without a leader… a week of having to think for themselves… the faithful once again had someone to tell them what to think.

But I suspect that in the cafés off the side streets to the Vatican, the prodigal sons and daughters of the church could be found weeping over their espressos and chiantis because their church had elected to stay in the dark ages.

But all is not lost. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching during the past three weeks and despite my disappointment with the decisions of the leaders of the church of my childhood, my belief and faith are stronger because of it.

And isn’t that, after all, what religion is supposed to do?

But what about the Catholics who have been cast aside but need spiritual guidance?

The sad thing is that by pushing away those who don’t fit their mold, the Catholic church forces them to create their own religion and abandons them during a spiritual crisis… or worse, forces them to turn to a lay counselor or psychologist when they are having a spiritual, not mental, crisis.

"I came not for the healthy," Christ said. "Healthy people don't need a doctor."

I'm afraid the church's new rock has cast a very big stone through the heart of the very people Christ came to heal.

Achieving Your Goals In The New Year

Now that the first full week of the New Year is behind us and we've had a chance to catch our breath after the holidays, I'd like to give you a few guidelines for achieving your best in 2005.

1 - Strive for excellence. Raise the bar. Be proactive. Expect the best from yourself and you'll get it.

2 - Teamwork, teamwork, teamwork. Life is lived best when we cooperate with others.

3 - Don't exploit. Be sensitive to others. Treat everyone as you'd like them to treat the people you love most.

4 - When in doubt, ask others. Then make your own decision based on their feedback.

5 - Be different. Be yourself.

6 - Serve. That's the 'big picture' part of what we do. And remember that sometimes the best way to serve is to make people laugh.

7 - Less is more.

8 - Slow down. It's about how fast you get there, it's about having integrity when you arrive. Being first sometimes means coming in second but getting it right. You work faster when you slow down. So, when you're tempted to rush, take a deep breath and slow down.

9 - Be patient with yourself. Be kind to others. It makes reaching your goals much more satisfying.

10 - Have fun. Live by this motto: "When it stops being fun, it stops getting done.

Houseguests Without Borders

After five days of leaving my home to visit relatives in Central Florida, my houseguests returned to my home with a vengeance on New Year’s Day.

Their first visit in December lasted only one night. This time they were staying for a full week. And the anticipation of what was to come, cranked up my anxiety level.

I kept reminding myself to just take it one moment at a time.

But despite my best efforts to put to use the lessons of patience and acceptance they’d taught me a week earlier, I found myself reverting to my passive-aggressive ways 24 hours into their visit.

As the eternal optimist, however, I look at the bright side. At the very least, they’ve given me enough material to write about at least for the next twelve months.

The morning after they arrived, they had completely taken over the entire house. Now, my house is quite comfortable. It has two floors, three bedrooms, an office, cozy family room, modern kitchen, spacious living room, two and a half bathrooms, two-car garage and a large deck with a pool.

By the end of the first day, my partner, our dog and I were cowering in the master bedroom, fearful of what had happened throughout the rest of our humble abode.

That's when in a moment of clarity, brought on by the terror of clutter, it dawned on me … the real reason I found these people so annoying:

That is ... They have absolutely no sense of boundaries whatsoever! If there's a border, they'll trample on it without permission or apology.

In addition to the guest bedroom and upstairs bathroom which I'd reserved for them, they had parked themselves in front of the entertainment center in the family room and had sprawled themselves out on the couch as if it was part of their 2,500 square foot hotel suite.

The throw pillows on the living room couch were well … thrown … everywhere.

The garage looked like the lost luggage room at Miami International Airport.

There were tiny bits of white paper residue scattered throughout the staircase leading to the second floor.

The kitchen was their own private Idaho as they wolfed down an average of one loaf of bread per day.

The fact that food was frozen-solid in the freezer was no deterrent for their ravenous appetites. Somehow they found ways to enjoy hot dog popsicles.

It’s no wonder they keep coming back to visit, I thought.

By the second day, they had taken over my office … my sanctuary … the place I retreat for peace, quiet and inspiration. I approached the office slowly after seeing light seeping out from under the door and spilling onto the upstairs landing.

When I opened the door, I was horrified to find the father was sitting on my chair, feet propped on my desk, watching television. One of his grown sons slept on the floor, while the other one sat at my computer and was having a lively chat room conversation with several hundred of his close friends back home.

Somebody please wake me from this nightmare.

Despite the look of terror on my face, they smiled and said, “Helloooo.” I slammed the door and bounded back down the stairs to retreat to my bedroom.

About 30 minutes later, the exact scene replayed itself.

One hour later I went back up to the same response. “Helloooo.” These people did not know how to take a hint. But by then my patience, hospitality and politeness were shred to pieces.

“OK, boys, I have to do some work,” I said. “Everybody out… now!”

The father and the son on the floor looked confused, but complied with my request.

The one on the computer (I swear I’m not making this up) stood up but kept writing to his buddies.

Then I did a very grownup thing. I pulled the plug on his broadband connection and rebuilt the boundary these people had shattered.

Boundaries keep people together.

It may sound like a contradiction, but it’s the space between people that builds closeness.

Space creates respect. It gives people room to grow and explore. By respecting people’s boundaries, you are actually creating an invitation into their space. But if you barge in without invitation, people become defensive and push you away.

No matter what you do, they will keep pushing you away until you come across as cold and rude. (I'm sure by now dozens of kids throughout cyberspace have heard the story of the broadband connection terminating witch that pulled the plug on their chat room.)

But some people, like my houseguests, just don’t get it. In fact, the more I retreat, the closer they want to get. They give me gifts, they look for conversation, they depend on me for all their needs. They think that by doing this I am going to let my defenses down.

But it’s just the contrary. The more they invade my space, the more stifled I become. Then I get even more annoyed at their attempts to get close to me.

It’s like the butterfly of love. The more you attempt to force it to land on your shoulder, the more it eludes you. The minute you relax and let it go, it finds you.

And so the lessons from my houseguests continue … respect boundaries, don’t force yourself on people, and when you go on vacation, stay in a hotel!

Coming Up Next Time: Travelling Light.